TWO RANDOM MUSTARD REVIEWS

1. French's Classic Yellow Mustard. This particular mustard is a personal favorite of mine. On opposite day. I have never seen a product turn a beautiful girl into something you wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole so quickly. Well at least until she brushes her teeth. This actually happened to me with my first girlfriend Alexandra. Let me take you back to 2002, June to be specific. i had just graduated from North Quincy High School and my graduation gift was finally getting to date the girl I had a crush on for the majority of those years. So obviously this ruled. Then I found out she loved mustard. Like so much. From that point on I knew I would have to share her with a squeezable bottle of French's from time to time. It's something that I finally came to terms with, but I just couldn't kiss her for like an hour after her eating this mustard. It's almost like waiting an hour to go into the pool so you don't get cramps. But the cramps would be mental anguish. Luckily she didn't really eat mustard too often, so things were good for the most part. But there is a reason I am still talking about this. The only positive thing I can say about French's mustard is that it remind me of the Red Sox sweeping the Yankees in the late 90's. There was a French's mustard sign on the first base side of the upper deck at old Yankee Stadium. I was there and kept looking at the sign because I hated French's so much. The Patriots also beat the Jets that day.

2. Guilden's Spicy Brown Mustard - So by this point I am sure you have realized that I just despise mustard. This mustard reminds me my old house at 93 Faxon road in North Quincy, MA. 1987 would be the year. I remember seeing this half eaten jar on the door of the fridge with old caked up mustard on the outside. My dad used to make ham sandwiches for his employees the night before work and leave them in the fridge. (This actually might be my earliest memory to be honest.) I remember ripping the child lock off the fridge and selfishly grabbing a ham sandwich. What an asshole move right? Anyway i tried to shove as much of it down my throat before my mom could pry it away from me. The taste in my mouth was just horrific. This was my first encounter with mustard and it was just vile. i really blame them for not getting a better child lock.